It was Wednesday, at 9:13 in the morning, when I received a call from my friend’s daughter.  From the other end of the line she said, “Tito… Dada is gone…”.

Those were the only words I remembered from that call.  After she said it, I was stunned, and my mind went blank. When my mind restarted, memories started to flood my thoughts.  I recalled all the good times we had together, and there were so many.  And I also remembered that time when he was there to help me during a most difficult time in my life.

My friend was gone in his mid-fifties.  He would have been facing new paths in his life and there was so much ahead of him. I wondered whether he was able to live his life to the fullest.  For one also in his mid-fifties, I thought back on what “living life to the fullest” really meant.  How do you define a full life? Must one live long to live his purpose? 

I thought of my friend and how he lived his life.  He was the truest friend one can ever find.  He was always there to help and be with you when you needed him.  He shared happy moments with you. When I was going through rough times, he did not mind spending so much time with me, helping me find a solution or simply just being there to listen. He celebrated milestones in my life, from the baptism of my sons to their wedding day.  As a family man, he worked himself hard to provide the best that he could for his family and loved ones.  Often, I heard him talk of how else he can make life happier for his wife and daughter, and what life experiences he can still share with them.  He truly loved them and made every effort to show it.

After much reflection, I realized that a full life is something we define for ourselves and not anyone else.  And it does not matter if our time on earth is long or short.  We live our life’s purpose every chance we get, every day we live. 

These reflections remind me of an article about achieving goals.  It talked about how most of the time we can get hung up on achieving goals that we tend to forget about living.  It said that the goal is merely a result.  What is important is what we do every day, being mindfully focused on doing “chores” (the article calls it “habits”) that lead to the goal.

So yes, my friend did live a full life.  He lived his life’s purpose.  He lived his life according who he wanted to be for his family, for his friends and for himself.  And while I will surely miss him, I am happy and grateful for having had him in my life as one true friend.

I am grateful to be a part of the 6 years of Haraya Coaching!

The last 6 years has been a journey of learning and realizations. Of these, the one that stands out the most is that growing and transformation are not dependent on one’s age, achievements, financial conditions or status in life. One can continue to grow and transform when one is willing and open minded!

I am grateful for our Haraya Coaching Team (most especially our founder Jackie) who unselfishly shares new ideas and continuously challenges one another to reach our full potential. Thank you, guys!

Through these 6 years, I have learned and shared so many concepts, ideas, thoughts, and learnings, and there are 6 key learnings that for me really shaped my coaching and Haraya experience:

1. Coaching

ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.

2. Propinquity

The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form friendships with those whom they encounter often, forming a bond between subject and friend.

3. Golden Circle by Simon Sinek

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe”

― Simon Sinek, Start with Why

4. Grit by Angela Duckworth

As Duckworth defines it, grit is passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement, with no particular concern for rewards or recognition along the way. It combines resilience, ambition, and self-control in the pursuit of goals that take months, years, or even decades.

5. Ikigai

Ikigai is a Japanese word whose meaning translates roughly to a reason for being, encompassing joy, a sense of purpose and meaning and a feeling of well-being. The word derives from iki, meaning life and kai, meaning the realization of hopes and expectations.

6. Gratitude

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” Epictetus

Coaching is at the heart of Haraya, Propinquity is what keeps us together, the Golden Circle crystallizes our vision, Grit is the fuel that keeps us moving forward, Ikigai is our reason to keep doing what we do, and Gratitude is what we feel when we fulfill our mission. I am eternally Grateful to be part of this Team!

Here’s to more years of being in a community, rather… in a family who agree to GROW together!

Cheers!

What is Customer Service?

How do you build a team that is focused on providing the best service to your clients?

How do you make this a standard in your company?

These are some of the questions that have been asked, again and again, since I got involved in Operations & Customer Service. Most people that I’ve talked to know and agree that delivering the best service to customers is a competitive advantage and builds the connection with customers and future clients. So, how come Good Customer Service seems to be “non-existent” in a lot of businesses?

This question reminds me of a quote, “The role of a leader is not to come up with all the great ideas. The role of a leader is to create an environment in which great ideas can happen.” -Simon Sinek, Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

We at Haraya Coaching are continuously inspired by the teachings of Simon Sinek, and this quote reminds us that the way to creating a Customer Service Culture is to create a safe environment where teams share their ideas and work together to develop a customer-centered strategy and encourage potential clients to become advocates of their company. When employees have a strong positive connection with the company they belong to and when they believe in and value their role in achieving the company’s vision, these feelings can easily translate into positive connections with the customers.

Over the years that we have been developing and facilitating Customer Service Workshops, we have realized that Coaching is a great tool to drive awareness and self-motivation in creating a Customer-centered Service in the companies we have worked with.

So what is Coaching?

ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.

Coaching provides a process which creates the “sticky-ness” factor for team members to reach a self-awareness about their role in the team and how they can contribute in the development of their own Customer-centered Culture, according to their Company’s WHY (vision & mission). Training and workshops give the team members the tools to perform their jobs, while Coaching allows them to develop a self-awareness and be inspired to use these tools to endear their company/product to customers and potential clients. As Simon Sinek says, “If you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood and sweat and tears.”

In this world of fast-paced technology innovations, products can easily be copied, and the differentiating advantage for companies will be the people who believe in the company and will help promote the company. To develop this competitive advantage, it is the role of leaders to create a safe environment of learning where team members will be inspired to bring out their best.

As I evolved and transformed, it was not all an external, physical change, rather an inner change that manifested itself with a positive outcome.

When asked the question, my first instinct was to look it up. The Cambridge English Dictionary defines transformation as ,“a complete change in the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved”.  In short, it is change for the better.

My life in transformation

And I then started thinking about how I have transformed over the years; and surprisingly I realized that I have had several transformations throughout my life. In my career, I was an assistant (utusan) in our struggling family business, then moved on to being a salesman for an oil company, to starting and running a logistics company; and then went on work for a Multi-national Direct Selling Company. Somewhere along the way, I also tried to be a direct seller myself, became a consultant; and then became partner in a business where I have transformed into a Coach. Even in my personal life, I see so many transformations- from being a child, to being a teenager, becoming a Dad, to learning to be a father-in-law, and very soon be a grandfather!

Having gone through so many transformations in my role and my relationships, I find myself asking how it all happened, and how I managed to course through it all. I was not born knowing how to do and be all of those versions of me, yet here I am contented that my transformed life and transformed self turned out quite well.  It had my share of bumps & bruises along the way and I would like to think that they made my transformation even more meaningful. As I evolved and transformed, it was not all an external, physical change, rather an inner change that manifested itself with a positive outcome. And that is what I would consider to be most impactful — when the transformation is triggered by a positive change that begins within us.

What is Transformation?

It reminds me of the Bible passage, “When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me”. Growing up is not only a physical change of becoming taller and bigger. It means inner change that makes us think, behave and decide like a grown, mature individual. When I became a father, I had to learn to expand my focus from just myself to including my children; and at times putting their interests ahead of mine. When I became a Coach I had to learn to LISTEN without judgement or bias; hear people’s feelings and be a guide for someone’s self-realizations.

What is Transformation?

It is the result or manifestation of changes that we do within ourselves. For us to transform our lives we need to make positive decisions and changes in the way we do things. Most importantly, we need to be willing to transform and be transformed

I think Mark Twain captures embracing transformation so inspiringly in these words – “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones that you did do”. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER.”

Enjoy the journey of transformation!

In one of my consultancy projects, I was approached by one of the youngest employees on the team and asked a simple question: when did you realize what you wanted to become?

SIMPLE QUESTION? Yet, I was not able to give a quick response, rather it took me a while to digest the question and realized that I had never thought about that question, thus the answer was not readily available to me. And so I said, give me a second coz I never really thought about that… finally I said, “I really didn’t/don’t know what I wanted to become, however, at certain points in my life I discerned what I wanted to achieve and the next actions would lead me to what I was/am in order to achieve what I had set out to “conquer”.

As I think about it more, it was never one singular goal that lead me to where I am now, and yet these goals are somehow inter-connected that lead me to my “ikigai”. “Ikigai (生き甲斐, pronounced [ikiɡai]) is a Japanese concept meaning “a reason for being”. Everyone, according to the Japanese, has an ikigai. Finding it requires a deep and often lengthy search of self.” So I searched and this is what I uncovered:

• in my college days, I had one objective to finish my course within 4 years, get out of school and find a job, so that I am no longer a burden to my mom and hopefully be of some help to the family
• when my 2 sons were born, my goal was to have a good job that would allow me to provide for their education and give them some of the better things/experiences in life
• after my sons graduated from college and I was then a senior manager in a multi-national company, I asked myself, what now? Do I still need this high-paying and high-stress job? So, I decided to leave the corporate world and said to myself, if I will do something it should follow 2 criteria: I like what I will do and I like the people I will work with. And so, I got invited to and am now a part of a team of coaches, where my purpose is “to give back or pay it forward”, plus I am again involved with our family business with the primary intent of “giving back” for all of my mom’s love and sacrifices which helped us get to where we are now.

So, when did I know what I wanted to become? I am still unsure, but one thing I’ve learned is that the search for one’s purpose, ikigai, is a journey and my path is to be a blessing to others as I have been blessed by so many others in the past, by sharing what I have learned and what I have.

Goals

In 1986, I just finished my university degree and was immediately faced with becoming a very young father at the age of 21 yrs old… it was a deluge of mixed emotions, excited, scared, happy, bewildered, proud, humbled… Back then I didn’t have a plan or a goal or even a dream, however, this development forced me to “mature” fast and plan for the future. Simply put, I had wanted to provide for my kids, and give them the best education possible that would prepare them for their own future.

That was 27 years ago… over those 27 odd years, I was so focused on the above objectives that everything else came second, even my personal life. It was all focused on having a job that paid well and would allow me to finance all the needs of my kids, especially their education. So from working for the family business, I moved to an Oil Company as a salesman and became its top agent in less than a year. Soon after I saw an old college friend who invited me to join a company owned by a former schoolmate, initially I was a sales representative then moved on to set up a new business as its manager and eventually it transformed into a full-service forwarding company where I eventually became the GM. I then moved on to a multinational company which offered better pay, but stepping down to a branch manager position at first, and stayed with the said company for 13 years in varying and increasing positions. All those assignments/work allowed me to earn enough to provide a comfortable life for my kids and allow them to go to good schools. Finally the day came, they finished their college degrees and went on to work on their own, so my task/objective is done.

What’s next?

Having completed my goal for my kids, I felt it was time to work on my personal goals, and one dream that I’ve always had is to become a successful entrepreneur. So, with nothing much but the little savings that I had and a lot of enthusiasm, I decided to quit from my very lucrative job, and pursued my lifelong dream. Several months later, I realized it wasn’t that easy, and I started to doubt if what I’m doing is right or if I should go back and restart my career and again have a financially rewarding job. Luckily, I was invited to attend a goal-setting workshop called “Life Design”… so what was different about Life Design and all the goal-setting sessions/workshops I’ve attended in the office? Not much really…but, back then I would look at goal setting from the perspective of my deliverables at work as opposed to now I am looking at it from a perspective of what I want to do with my life. The workshop was refreshing and invigorating, in the sense that it made me realize the following:

•  • set big goals for every aspect of your life
•  • have detailed action plans, declare it in positive tones and it must be measurable and with a definite date of completion
•  • review your goals vis-á-vis where you are at the moment on regular intervals
•  • celebrate WINS, big or small
•  • tweak your action plans accordingly, to ensure attainment of your goals
•  • re-assess your goals, is it still relevant and if not then redefine your goals

Now I have a new set of goals and it is pretty much well rounded, as it covers finances, health, relational and one BIG DREAM… so did I go forward with a new fervor…? Unfortunately not just quite yet because there was something missing to help me jump start things… then I realized after a discussion with a friend and coach that I need to write down my plans, very much like how I managed projects in my previous job. Now I am at that stage, and I’m excited to pursue my newfound goals, and achieve new heights…

Life Gain!